Luke is One Month Old Today!

I can hardly believe it's been a month.  In some ways the time has just flown by, in other ways it feels like he has been with us forever.  We have figured out a few things over the past few weeks.

1.  Breastfeeding just wasn't for us.  We tried the first two weeks and ended up just frustrated.  I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel and I could not figure out how I was going to do it once I returned to work.  I felt horrible guilt about it but finally decided that it was better for our entire family to keep our stress level down.

2.  Luke can be a cranky baby!  For a while, during his waking hours, he was constantly fussy.  I finally got to the point where his cries do not send my anxiety level through the roof.

3.  I am not going to be able to fix everything for him.  Sometimes he will just have to cry.

4.  The swing is our friend! (this week)  He will sit in the swing and look around for the longest time.

5.  Routines never work the same way twice.  This has been hard for me.  I think I have it all figured out and then what worked beautifully one day, doesn't work the same way the next.  For example, the bedtime routine.  For a few days it seemed to work great.  Then the next day it took 3 hours to get him to sleep!  I am learning some valuable lessons in patience and going with the flow.

6.  Raising a baby without a wonderful husband by my side seems almost impossible to me.  I know there are some great single Moms and Dads out there and my hat is off to them!  I am so glad Tim is by my side daily to offer help and support and encouragement.

We also went for our very first portrait session this last week.  It was a very long session to go through with a baby - over three hours!  It was worth it though in the end.  We got some wonderful pictures.

We are headed to West (near Waco) over Labor Day weekend to be at the triplets first birthday party.  After the party we will continue on to Austin to visit some of Tim's family.  It will be Luke's first trip.  He normally does well in the car.  Praying that the trip goes well for him and for us!  We are looking forward to seeing our family in Austin and introducing them to the newest Payne :)

Luke Week 2

Christy was back with us this week and my confidence grew exponentially.  Luke is starting to become more consistent in his eating and sleeping.  He is on an every three hour schedule as of right now and is eating about 4 ounces at each feeding.

On Sunday of last week his little circumcision bell started to fall off but was hanging by a thread.  I was totally freaked out and did not want to pull it off for fear I'd hurt him.  It didn't seem to be bothering him so we just left it there.  It ended up falling off completely at the next diaper change.  Yeah!

His umbilical cord also fell off this week.

I've heard of some people keeping these.  I think I'll pass.

Wednesday we had his two week pediatrician appointment.  His weight is up to 9lbs - my little chunky monkey is growing like a weed!  The doctor took all of his measurements and told us he was right on track - in the 50th to 75th percentile for all of his measurements.  She also told us he truly was a beautiful baby.  We, of course, whole-heartedly agreed!  Then she told us it was time for his second newborn screening test.  We had to go to the lab at the hospital for this one and Mommy was not prepared for how heart-wrenching those heel pricks can be.  We went early on Thursday to have it done and I swear the lab tech was from somewhere near Transylvania.  She apologized to me over and over, which in turn made me increasingly fearful of what she was about to do to my poor baby.  He didn't seem to mind the heel pricks as much as he minded her squeezing the blood out of his little heel.  It wasn't over soon enough for me but we made it through, and he is none the worse for wear.

On Friday we went to see the pediatric urologist for an appointment about Luke's mild hydrophrenosis.  It was quite the waste of time although we did enjoy using the stroller for the first time!  The nurse practitioner looked at him briefly, asked us a couple of questions, and then told us to come back when he's three months old for another sonogram. *sigh*

Breastfeeding is still a challenge.  I am not producing near what I think I should be.  While Christy was here this week I started taking supplements to increase milk production.  Then we rented a hospital grade pump from Plano Presby.  I still don't see the results I want to see.  I'm going to continue pumping for the next few days.  I've decided if I don't see any results by then, I will have to go to formula.  Because I'm going back to work in a few weeks, I have to streamline our schedule as much as possible to create something that works for our family.  Tim and I want to spend as much time with Luke as possible.  Pumping and breastfeeding come with so many extra steps and parts - especially when you are not producing enough to purely breastfeed - you have all of the formula, bottles, etc along with all of your breastfeeding accessories, pump and pumping accessories.  As a FTM who will be returning to work, I have discovered I just don't have the capacity to keep up with all of that and I've finally made peace with it.

Christy left today and my anxiety returned for a few minutes just right after she left, but I soon recovered and we moved on with our day.  Luke and I took our first trip in the car solo.  We went to Target and he did great.  Then we went for our first visit to Grammy and Pop's.  He seems to really like the motion of the car.  It's harder when it's just me by myself because I can't block every ray of sunlight from his little face while I'm in the front and he's in the back!

A couple of pics from this week:

Aunt Missy came to visit

Sweet Face!

Rollercoaster of Emotions

Yesterday was a really rough day.  I don't know why - but whenever people talk about hormones and use them as a reasons for crazy behavior - to this point I have never really believed them.  However, after yesterday, I am A BELIEVER!

Luke had a really fussy day.  Up until yesterday he would sleep soundly between each feeding for 3 or 4 hours.  Yesterday we could not get him to sleep.  In fact he slept very little.  On top of that, I had a horribly emotional day.  Seems like I cried most of the day.  I can't even give a definite reason why.  Everything on me hurts for one thing.  I'm swollen all over and had very little appetite.  I cried every time I held him wondering  how I could ever be a good enough Mom for this perfect angel.  Then we got the results of the sonogram we had done on his little kidneys Wednesday.  The results show mild hydrophrenosis (dilation) in both kidneys.  Rationally, I know, that of all little problems he might have, this is nothing!  In fact it usually resolves on its own by 2 or 3 months of age.  He is peeing and pooping just fine and seems perfect.  But getting those results on this particular day just made it worse.  So we have an appointment with a pediatric urologist on 8/13.  Most likely he will just tell us we need to keep an eye on it and we'll have follow up appointments with him.

At the end of the day yesterday - around 7, Tim took us on a drive.  The car ride seems to lull Luke to sleep and I needed to just get out of the house.  So we went to Babies R Us to pick up some formula.  It was good to get out.  When we got home I fed Luke and put him to bed around 9:30.  He had a really great night!  He slept all the way until 1:50am before he was hungry and after that feeding he slept until 4:50 for the next feeding.

I decided after yesterday that we needed to do something differently today.  I decided we would stay in the bedroom all day and give me some time to heal.  I thought it would also be more calming for Luke and I would have him right here so that we could breast feed often.  So far so good today.  We woke up about 7am and had a really good breastfeeding.  He went back to sleep and Tim and I had some breakfast.  I then combined his second feeding with bath time.  He does not like to be naked! So that means that changing diapers, clothes and taking baths are not fun.  However, when I introduced a couple sips on his bottle ever few minutes while I gave him a bath, things went fine.  Hooray!

My Angel - look at this face!!

So we are in the bed now and Luke is sleeping soundly.

Luke in his little lamb seat - he seems to like the vibration setting

I've decided to have a Sex and the City marathon today

And give my poor feet a rest - look at this thing! Yuck!

We even have our very own guard dogs

Ferocious looking aren't they?

Emotionally I feel much better today.  I still feel like I'm not producing enough milk - but maybe I just need to give it more time.  Also - I decided that I needed more time with Christy - our newborn care specialist.  I have so many questions that come up during the day.  I wonder the best way to do this or that for Luke or wonder what he is trying to tell me with his different cries or faces.  Plus, she is just so very reassuring about everything - breastfeeding especially.  I have also figured out that I need another week to heal and feel like myself again.  It is so helpful having someone around that can help me wash bottles, or laundry, or get a diaper bag ready, or watch Luke while I try and take a nap.  So Christy is coming next week for 24 hour shifts until Friday.  I feel like by then I will really feel like I have a handle on things.

Let me not forget to mention my wonderful husband in all of this.  He has so much to do with church, but yesterday he was right by my side.  He held my hand and handed me kleenex and reassuring words through all of the tears.  He watched the baby by himself for two hours while I got a really good nap and he took us on that drive to get me out of the house.  He is such a calming influence.  I thank God that he blessed me with this wonderful man!  Luke is so lucky to have such a wonderful Daddy!

Thank God for a beautiful sunny day today, a nice big bed, and the opportunity to spend all day in it with my precious baby.

Welcome to the World Luke Slater Payne!

Finally! After 40 weeks and 1 day of pregnancy - Luke Slater Payne was born on Wednesday July 28, 2010.  He was 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long.

Here's me right before we drove to the hospital on Tuesday night July 27th.  See that smile?  I'm thinking - yeah!  I have a plan... let's start checking things off the list and get this baby born!  Little did I know, giving birth never works on your timeline.

Tim and I started on Saturday July 24th going to Baylor for "ripening" appointments.  Luke was already getting to be a big baby and my doctor did not want me to go past my due date to deliver him.  So on Saturday July 24th and again on Monday July 26th we went into Baylor to try and get things moving.  We didn't seem to make much progress but we weren't discouraged.  On Tuesday July 27th at 8pm, we checked into Labor and Delivery at Baylor to start the induction process.  That night, they gave me a drug called Cervidil.  The next morning they started Pitocin.  I started having contractions pretty quickly and asked to have the epidural done.  I was scared to death of the epidural, but as all of my friends had told me, it really wasn't a big deal at all.  So I was in labor from about 6am until 3pm that afternoon when they came in to check my progress.  The nurse had this funny look on her face and said "I think I feel an ear."  I had no idea what this meant.  In my mind I was saying well of course he has ears - why is this lady making such a big deal?  Finally she told us that if Luke was in an ear-first position, I would not be able to have a normal delivery.  At 3pm on Wednesday afternoon it was decided that I would have to have a c-section.  I had not mentally prepared myself for this possibility.

The anesthesiologist came back in and gave me another drug through my epidural to further numb my body for the c-section.  I had a really bad reaction to whatever it is that they gave me.  I could no longer move any of the lower parts of my body and all of the sudden I felt that I HAD TO MOVE.  It was like having restless leg syndrome but not being able to move your legs at all.  I was going crazy to the point where I started shaking my bed with my arms and even hitting myself in the face to distract me from the horrible feeling of needing to move.  I was scaring my sisters LOL  Tim was trying everything he could think of to relax me.  We told one nurse and she just brushed us off and told us it was normal.  Finally we got to the anaesthesiologist again and he immediately realized what my problem was and gave me another drug.  Finally I was able to calm down!

Here's me in the labor and delivery room about 14 hours in and a couple hours before the c-section:

About 7:30 they wheeled me into the operating room to do the c-section.  I was scared to death but knew it was all going to be over soon and I'd get to see my precious baby.

Here are the people that stuck it out with us all day long to see Luke after he was born:

At 7:52, Dr. Stevenson delivered Luke and he immediately cried.  It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

Luke was examined by the NICU team immediately after delivery - here he is right after birth:

Here is Dr. Stevenson with Luke.  I just love her.  She is such a great doctor.  She is conservative and really tried hard to make sure we did everything possible not to have a c-section.  In the end though, we couldn't control the way Luke was facing :)  She takes plenty of time to explain things to make sure you don't worry unnecessarily.  She was there with me through all of the hernia problems and I felt so cared for - I was in good hands.

I got to hold Luke for the first time as they wheeled me from the OR to the recovery room:

Here are some pictures of me getting to know my sweet baby in recovery:

Here is Daddy feeding Luke for the first time:

Here's Luke with Aunt Missy in recovery:

Luke with Aunt Shell:

Luke with Grammy:

Luke with Pop:

Luke with Aunt Joan:

Luke meets Markie:

Luke meets CJ:

First bath:

Our favorite pic so far LOL - Luke lets Daddy know who's boss!

So we are getting settled at home now and trying to establish a routine.  We've had Christy Hill (www.sweetbabydreams.net) with us since last Saturday night.  She is a newborn care specialist and an absolute God-send.  Christy is helping me with breastfeeding and teaching us tons of things about babies.  While she is here, I am able to get a really good night's sleep to help with my recovery.  Without Christy, I think I would have already given up on breastfeeding.  I had heard things about how difficult it was to get started, but I wasn't quite prepared for the emotions you go through when trying to breastfeed but feel like your baby isn't getting enough to eat.  Christy has given me tons of tools, tips and tricks to help along the way.  I cannot say enough good things about her!

Tim and I are enjoying bonding with our beautiful son.  Our hearts are just overflowing with love for this special baby - this ultimate gift from God.  We thank all of our friends and family for your prayers and selfless acts of love during the last few months.  We cannot wait for everyone to come meet Luke!

The Challenges of my last few weeks of Pregnancy

On April 17, the day of my wonderful baby shower, Tim and I were on our way into Plano to enjoy the day.  On that drive, I started to have some horrible pains in my abdomen.  They were so bad that I nearly passed out and finally told Tim he would have to drive me to the hospital.  I will put up with quite a bit of pain before finally admitting I need help, so this was bad.  That trip to the hospital resulted in an emergency surgery for an internal hernia in the intestines in my upper abdomen.  I was in the hospital several days and felt great - better than I had in 10 years - after that adventure.

Fast forward to last Sunday night, June 27th.  I went to bed and became really uncomfortable.  I was having pains in my abdomen and I was unable to get comfortable and go to sleep.  I tossed and turned all night long.  Finally, at 4:30 am on Monday morning, Tim convinced me to call my OB.  I made the call and she returned it within 5 minutes.  She sent us to the hospital to get checked out - mostly because of my history.  We spent most of the day Monday in the Labor and Delivery unit where they gave me laxatives and a suppository, saw that I had a bowel movement and let me go home.  They chalked it up to discomforts of the final stages of pregnancy.  At this point, Luke is a good 6 3/4 pounds.  Stayed in bed the rest of the day Monday and Monday night had the same problems.  Tim called the OB this time and she sent us back into BUMC.  This time I went into the Maternity Observation unit (not near as nice as L&D).  One nurse told me I was having contractions - which I knew was crazy.  I wasn't feeling contractions.  While in Maternity Observation we saw a surgery resident and an OB resident who basically asked me questions and determined I did not have an obstruction.  They moved me to the AntePartum Unit for observation that night.  I was on clear liquids and began getting nauseas Tuesday night and had horrible pain and vomitted.  Wednesday we finally convinced the doctors to do a CT scan of my abdomen so that we could determine for sure whether I had another hernia.  The result of the scan was that I did have another potential hernia.  They took me off of all food - even liquids at that point.  The Doc who did my previous hernia surgery looked at the scan and said he did not see a hernia but that my bowels were irritated and distended and that the baby was growing and continually pushing and distorting all of my internal organs.  So the consensus of all the doctors was to watch and wait.  Gradually they put me back on clear liquids and I tolerated those.  As of right now, I'm on what they call the GI2 diet - which is supposed to be softer foods, easier to digest.  I haven't had the bad pain in a couple of days now, but it's sort of like a ticking time bomb.  As the baby grows and continues to push things further, my bowels could kink and cause a hernia at any time.  They don't want to take the baby until at least 38 weeks.  I'll be 37 weeks next Tuesday - July 6th.  Surgery is very risky right now - so they'd much rather wait until I deliver to look at surgery for any hernia.  So I think the goal is to keep my pain down, keep things moving through my system and try to make it the next couple of weeks until I deliver.  My surgeon said that delivering the baby alone could solve the issues.

So we wait.  I am ready to be home with Tim and the rest of my family.  I am putting my faith in God that He will take care of things and trying to be as stress free as possible.  The easier I take things the next few weeks, the less potential of something going wrong with my insides.  I have excellent care here at Baylor.  I highly recommend this hospital to anyone - whether you are having a baby or need some type of surgery. 

I am so grateful for all of our friends and family who have been such a help during this time.  My friend Brianne has been wonderful with communicating my status to my co-workers who are concerned.  For the last month or so, I have been training a great lady to take my place while I'm out - Sherrie.  We both knew we'd never be 100% ready for me to be out, but we were prepared for the fact that pregnancy is unpredictable and things can happen.  I feel so much better about leaving work knowing that she is there to help with the myriad of things I normally take care of.  My co-worker Gwen came to visit Thursday night.  She braved the confusing downtown area and then the winding corridors of this monster hospital to find me.  I was really grateful to have a visitor.  Mom was here with us on Wednesday as we waited for the CT scan results.  She and Tim sat with me, afraid to leave for fear the Docs would show up with results, for 6 or 7 hours.  On top of that she was taking care of Shell's triplets this week, and had to call in some recruits to take over for her while she came to Baylor to be with me.  Missy and Dad came to see me on Friday for a couple of hours.  I was so glad to see them.  Missy brought me the softest zebra blanket, some magazines, hard candy and gum, wonderful smelling lotion/shower gel, and some sweet pictures that my super nephews CJ and Marky had colored.  It's amazing how comforting a soft blanket and some good smelling lotion can be!  We have also had help from our amazing dog-sitter Autumn Russell, and also from the congregation of our new church - Wellspring UMC in McKinney.  The folks there have been so caring and concerned and willing to help with anything.  Sunday will be Tim's first Sunday at Wellspring and we are so excited.  I want to be there so badly, but right now am at the mercy of my doctors.

I am so fortunate to be married to Tim.  He is the most wonderful man who challenges me in areas where I need to be challenged, and at the same time is a fiercly loyal advocate for me who will fight for me and our family.  It was because of him that we came to the hospital and because of him that we finally got the doctors to do the CT scan.  He has sacrificed his time to stay by my side.  He stayed in the hotel here at the hospital the first few nights and with me in the hospital room all day long.  I finally sent him home yesterday so that he could sleep in his own bed, and so that we could stop the cash outflow for a hotel room and dog-sitting.  It is lonely here, but I feel much better with him at home.  It is truly a blessing and such a rareity to love someone who knows you so well inside and out.  He knows without even asking me what things will make me feel better and what things are going to scare me.  July 7th is our 3rd anniversary.  I hope so much that I am out of the hospital and able to celebrate with Tim.

So I'm sitting here crying and can't even determine all of the reasons why.  I think that most of it is because I'm grateful to have such wondeful people in my life, some of it is because I'm happy that Luke is doing so well and growing, some of it is because I'm scared about the next few weeks, some because I want to be home, and some because I never think there will be enough time for me to be off work and home with my son.  All things you can't help think of when you are cooped up in a hospital room for an extended period of time with raging pregnancy hormones!

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and selfless acts of love for us during this time.  I think that 2010 is a year that will go in the history books for our family.  All of the things that have happened - that we have made it through with God's love and the support of our family and friends.

Luke's Nursery

These last few weeks have been so busy for us. On May 25th, we made the big move to our new house in McKinney. You always forget how tiring moving is until you are right in the middle of it. We have gotten settled in record time - even if every piece of decor is still displayed on two folding tables in the dining room. Decorating the rest of the house is my last priority right now.

My drive to work is siginificantly shorter now - I've gone from about 1 hr 15 minutes (no traffic) one way, to about 35/40 minutes! I get to sleep an extra half hour at least each morning. Tim and I are enjoying being closer to a city. Now a trip to the grocery store, or to Lowe's, etc is not an all day adventure.

This last week, I taped off Luke's room and Tim did the painting. The room was two tone to begin with, but the bottom half of the wall was a deep maroon - which, in this family, is a color that makes us cringe! LOL We decided to cover that color with a pretty green that would match the bedding we picked out for the nursery. Tim did a great job on the painting and then moved all of the furniture in on Friday. Mom brought over the beautiful curtains she made, and she and Tim hung those too. We loaded quite a few things into the room Friday night, but most of it we did on Saturday morning before Christy (our newborn care specialist who will be helping us with Luke the first couple weeks) showed up to help me streamline and make the room as efficient as possible for taking care of baby.

When Christy arrived, we moved a few things around and made sure all of the items necessary for changing the baby and any grooming/medication type items were close to the changing table. We also talked more about the breastfeeding supplies I have to make sure we have everything ready when Luke arrives.

The room turned out beautiful. It is so peaceful - a room you really just want to be in - which I think is exactly how a nursery should be. Now we just need our little man to arrive and it will be perfect!

Daddy's first gift for baby Luke - giant Pooh Bear and Baby's First Teddy

Curtain's Mom made for Luke's room

"Maddie" Puppy w/ Luke's name and nickname "Bronco" - these puppies are a tradition - Mom gives one to each of her grandbabies

Handmade blanket from Mom

My next doctor's appointment is Wednesday June 23rd.  I'll have another sonogram at this time.  We are hoping that Luke has flipped over into the right position!