Luke Week 2

Christy was back with us this week and my confidence grew exponentially.  Luke is starting to become more consistent in his eating and sleeping.  He is on an every three hour schedule as of right now and is eating about 4 ounces at each feeding.

On Sunday of last week his little circumcision bell started to fall off but was hanging by a thread.  I was totally freaked out and did not want to pull it off for fear I'd hurt him.  It didn't seem to be bothering him so we just left it there.  It ended up falling off completely at the next diaper change.  Yeah!

His umbilical cord also fell off this week.

I've heard of some people keeping these.  I think I'll pass.

Wednesday we had his two week pediatrician appointment.  His weight is up to 9lbs - my little chunky monkey is growing like a weed!  The doctor took all of his measurements and told us he was right on track - in the 50th to 75th percentile for all of his measurements.  She also told us he truly was a beautiful baby.  We, of course, whole-heartedly agreed!  Then she told us it was time for his second newborn screening test.  We had to go to the lab at the hospital for this one and Mommy was not prepared for how heart-wrenching those heel pricks can be.  We went early on Thursday to have it done and I swear the lab tech was from somewhere near Transylvania.  She apologized to me over and over, which in turn made me increasingly fearful of what she was about to do to my poor baby.  He didn't seem to mind the heel pricks as much as he minded her squeezing the blood out of his little heel.  It wasn't over soon enough for me but we made it through, and he is none the worse for wear.

On Friday we went to see the pediatric urologist for an appointment about Luke's mild hydrophrenosis.  It was quite the waste of time although we did enjoy using the stroller for the first time!  The nurse practitioner looked at him briefly, asked us a couple of questions, and then told us to come back when he's three months old for another sonogram. *sigh*

Breastfeeding is still a challenge.  I am not producing near what I think I should be.  While Christy was here this week I started taking supplements to increase milk production.  Then we rented a hospital grade pump from Plano Presby.  I still don't see the results I want to see.  I'm going to continue pumping for the next few days.  I've decided if I don't see any results by then, I will have to go to formula.  Because I'm going back to work in a few weeks, I have to streamline our schedule as much as possible to create something that works for our family.  Tim and I want to spend as much time with Luke as possible.  Pumping and breastfeeding come with so many extra steps and parts - especially when you are not producing enough to purely breastfeed - you have all of the formula, bottles, etc along with all of your breastfeeding accessories, pump and pumping accessories.  As a FTM who will be returning to work, I have discovered I just don't have the capacity to keep up with all of that and I've finally made peace with it.

Christy left today and my anxiety returned for a few minutes just right after she left, but I soon recovered and we moved on with our day.  Luke and I took our first trip in the car solo.  We went to Target and he did great.  Then we went for our first visit to Grammy and Pop's.  He seems to really like the motion of the car.  It's harder when it's just me by myself because I can't block every ray of sunlight from his little face while I'm in the front and he's in the back!

A couple of pics from this week:

Aunt Missy came to visit

Sweet Face!

Rollercoaster of Emotions

Yesterday was a really rough day.  I don't know why - but whenever people talk about hormones and use them as a reasons for crazy behavior - to this point I have never really believed them.  However, after yesterday, I am A BELIEVER!

Luke had a really fussy day.  Up until yesterday he would sleep soundly between each feeding for 3 or 4 hours.  Yesterday we could not get him to sleep.  In fact he slept very little.  On top of that, I had a horribly emotional day.  Seems like I cried most of the day.  I can't even give a definite reason why.  Everything on me hurts for one thing.  I'm swollen all over and had very little appetite.  I cried every time I held him wondering  how I could ever be a good enough Mom for this perfect angel.  Then we got the results of the sonogram we had done on his little kidneys Wednesday.  The results show mild hydrophrenosis (dilation) in both kidneys.  Rationally, I know, that of all little problems he might have, this is nothing!  In fact it usually resolves on its own by 2 or 3 months of age.  He is peeing and pooping just fine and seems perfect.  But getting those results on this particular day just made it worse.  So we have an appointment with a pediatric urologist on 8/13.  Most likely he will just tell us we need to keep an eye on it and we'll have follow up appointments with him.

At the end of the day yesterday - around 7, Tim took us on a drive.  The car ride seems to lull Luke to sleep and I needed to just get out of the house.  So we went to Babies R Us to pick up some formula.  It was good to get out.  When we got home I fed Luke and put him to bed around 9:30.  He had a really great night!  He slept all the way until 1:50am before he was hungry and after that feeding he slept until 4:50 for the next feeding.

I decided after yesterday that we needed to do something differently today.  I decided we would stay in the bedroom all day and give me some time to heal.  I thought it would also be more calming for Luke and I would have him right here so that we could breast feed often.  So far so good today.  We woke up about 7am and had a really good breastfeeding.  He went back to sleep and Tim and I had some breakfast.  I then combined his second feeding with bath time.  He does not like to be naked! So that means that changing diapers, clothes and taking baths are not fun.  However, when I introduced a couple sips on his bottle ever few minutes while I gave him a bath, things went fine.  Hooray!

My Angel - look at this face!!

So we are in the bed now and Luke is sleeping soundly.

Luke in his little lamb seat - he seems to like the vibration setting

I've decided to have a Sex and the City marathon today

And give my poor feet a rest - look at this thing! Yuck!

We even have our very own guard dogs

Ferocious looking aren't they?

Emotionally I feel much better today.  I still feel like I'm not producing enough milk - but maybe I just need to give it more time.  Also - I decided that I needed more time with Christy - our newborn care specialist.  I have so many questions that come up during the day.  I wonder the best way to do this or that for Luke or wonder what he is trying to tell me with his different cries or faces.  Plus, she is just so very reassuring about everything - breastfeeding especially.  I have also figured out that I need another week to heal and feel like myself again.  It is so helpful having someone around that can help me wash bottles, or laundry, or get a diaper bag ready, or watch Luke while I try and take a nap.  So Christy is coming next week for 24 hour shifts until Friday.  I feel like by then I will really feel like I have a handle on things.

Let me not forget to mention my wonderful husband in all of this.  He has so much to do with church, but yesterday he was right by my side.  He held my hand and handed me kleenex and reassuring words through all of the tears.  He watched the baby by himself for two hours while I got a really good nap and he took us on that drive to get me out of the house.  He is such a calming influence.  I thank God that he blessed me with this wonderful man!  Luke is so lucky to have such a wonderful Daddy!

Thank God for a beautiful sunny day today, a nice big bed, and the opportunity to spend all day in it with my precious baby.

Welcome to the World Luke Slater Payne!

Finally! After 40 weeks and 1 day of pregnancy - Luke Slater Payne was born on Wednesday July 28, 2010.  He was 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long.

Here's me right before we drove to the hospital on Tuesday night July 27th.  See that smile?  I'm thinking - yeah!  I have a plan... let's start checking things off the list and get this baby born!  Little did I know, giving birth never works on your timeline.

Tim and I started on Saturday July 24th going to Baylor for "ripening" appointments.  Luke was already getting to be a big baby and my doctor did not want me to go past my due date to deliver him.  So on Saturday July 24th and again on Monday July 26th we went into Baylor to try and get things moving.  We didn't seem to make much progress but we weren't discouraged.  On Tuesday July 27th at 8pm, we checked into Labor and Delivery at Baylor to start the induction process.  That night, they gave me a drug called Cervidil.  The next morning they started Pitocin.  I started having contractions pretty quickly and asked to have the epidural done.  I was scared to death of the epidural, but as all of my friends had told me, it really wasn't a big deal at all.  So I was in labor from about 6am until 3pm that afternoon when they came in to check my progress.  The nurse had this funny look on her face and said "I think I feel an ear."  I had no idea what this meant.  In my mind I was saying well of course he has ears - why is this lady making such a big deal?  Finally she told us that if Luke was in an ear-first position, I would not be able to have a normal delivery.  At 3pm on Wednesday afternoon it was decided that I would have to have a c-section.  I had not mentally prepared myself for this possibility.

The anesthesiologist came back in and gave me another drug through my epidural to further numb my body for the c-section.  I had a really bad reaction to whatever it is that they gave me.  I could no longer move any of the lower parts of my body and all of the sudden I felt that I HAD TO MOVE.  It was like having restless leg syndrome but not being able to move your legs at all.  I was going crazy to the point where I started shaking my bed with my arms and even hitting myself in the face to distract me from the horrible feeling of needing to move.  I was scaring my sisters LOL  Tim was trying everything he could think of to relax me.  We told one nurse and she just brushed us off and told us it was normal.  Finally we got to the anaesthesiologist again and he immediately realized what my problem was and gave me another drug.  Finally I was able to calm down!

Here's me in the labor and delivery room about 14 hours in and a couple hours before the c-section:

About 7:30 they wheeled me into the operating room to do the c-section.  I was scared to death but knew it was all going to be over soon and I'd get to see my precious baby.

Here are the people that stuck it out with us all day long to see Luke after he was born:

At 7:52, Dr. Stevenson delivered Luke and he immediately cried.  It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

Luke was examined by the NICU team immediately after delivery - here he is right after birth:

Here is Dr. Stevenson with Luke.  I just love her.  She is such a great doctor.  She is conservative and really tried hard to make sure we did everything possible not to have a c-section.  In the end though, we couldn't control the way Luke was facing :)  She takes plenty of time to explain things to make sure you don't worry unnecessarily.  She was there with me through all of the hernia problems and I felt so cared for - I was in good hands.

I got to hold Luke for the first time as they wheeled me from the OR to the recovery room:

Here are some pictures of me getting to know my sweet baby in recovery:

Here is Daddy feeding Luke for the first time:

Here's Luke with Aunt Missy in recovery:

Luke with Aunt Shell:

Luke with Grammy:

Luke with Pop:

Luke with Aunt Joan:

Luke meets Markie:

Luke meets CJ:

First bath:

Our favorite pic so far LOL - Luke lets Daddy know who's boss!

So we are getting settled at home now and trying to establish a routine.  We've had Christy Hill (www.sweetbabydreams.net) with us since last Saturday night.  She is a newborn care specialist and an absolute God-send.  Christy is helping me with breastfeeding and teaching us tons of things about babies.  While she is here, I am able to get a really good night's sleep to help with my recovery.  Without Christy, I think I would have already given up on breastfeeding.  I had heard things about how difficult it was to get started, but I wasn't quite prepared for the emotions you go through when trying to breastfeed but feel like your baby isn't getting enough to eat.  Christy has given me tons of tools, tips and tricks to help along the way.  I cannot say enough good things about her!

Tim and I are enjoying bonding with our beautiful son.  Our hearts are just overflowing with love for this special baby - this ultimate gift from God.  We thank all of our friends and family for your prayers and selfless acts of love during the last few months.  We cannot wait for everyone to come meet Luke!

The Challenges of my last few weeks of Pregnancy

On April 17, the day of my wonderful baby shower, Tim and I were on our way into Plano to enjoy the day.  On that drive, I started to have some horrible pains in my abdomen.  They were so bad that I nearly passed out and finally told Tim he would have to drive me to the hospital.  I will put up with quite a bit of pain before finally admitting I need help, so this was bad.  That trip to the hospital resulted in an emergency surgery for an internal hernia in the intestines in my upper abdomen.  I was in the hospital several days and felt great - better than I had in 10 years - after that adventure.

Fast forward to last Sunday night, June 27th.  I went to bed and became really uncomfortable.  I was having pains in my abdomen and I was unable to get comfortable and go to sleep.  I tossed and turned all night long.  Finally, at 4:30 am on Monday morning, Tim convinced me to call my OB.  I made the call and she returned it within 5 minutes.  She sent us to the hospital to get checked out - mostly because of my history.  We spent most of the day Monday in the Labor and Delivery unit where they gave me laxatives and a suppository, saw that I had a bowel movement and let me go home.  They chalked it up to discomforts of the final stages of pregnancy.  At this point, Luke is a good 6 3/4 pounds.  Stayed in bed the rest of the day Monday and Monday night had the same problems.  Tim called the OB this time and she sent us back into BUMC.  This time I went into the Maternity Observation unit (not near as nice as L&D).  One nurse told me I was having contractions - which I knew was crazy.  I wasn't feeling contractions.  While in Maternity Observation we saw a surgery resident and an OB resident who basically asked me questions and determined I did not have an obstruction.  They moved me to the AntePartum Unit for observation that night.  I was on clear liquids and began getting nauseas Tuesday night and had horrible pain and vomitted.  Wednesday we finally convinced the doctors to do a CT scan of my abdomen so that we could determine for sure whether I had another hernia.  The result of the scan was that I did have another potential hernia.  They took me off of all food - even liquids at that point.  The Doc who did my previous hernia surgery looked at the scan and said he did not see a hernia but that my bowels were irritated and distended and that the baby was growing and continually pushing and distorting all of my internal organs.  So the consensus of all the doctors was to watch and wait.  Gradually they put me back on clear liquids and I tolerated those.  As of right now, I'm on what they call the GI2 diet - which is supposed to be softer foods, easier to digest.  I haven't had the bad pain in a couple of days now, but it's sort of like a ticking time bomb.  As the baby grows and continues to push things further, my bowels could kink and cause a hernia at any time.  They don't want to take the baby until at least 38 weeks.  I'll be 37 weeks next Tuesday - July 6th.  Surgery is very risky right now - so they'd much rather wait until I deliver to look at surgery for any hernia.  So I think the goal is to keep my pain down, keep things moving through my system and try to make it the next couple of weeks until I deliver.  My surgeon said that delivering the baby alone could solve the issues.

So we wait.  I am ready to be home with Tim and the rest of my family.  I am putting my faith in God that He will take care of things and trying to be as stress free as possible.  The easier I take things the next few weeks, the less potential of something going wrong with my insides.  I have excellent care here at Baylor.  I highly recommend this hospital to anyone - whether you are having a baby or need some type of surgery. 

I am so grateful for all of our friends and family who have been such a help during this time.  My friend Brianne has been wonderful with communicating my status to my co-workers who are concerned.  For the last month or so, I have been training a great lady to take my place while I'm out - Sherrie.  We both knew we'd never be 100% ready for me to be out, but we were prepared for the fact that pregnancy is unpredictable and things can happen.  I feel so much better about leaving work knowing that she is there to help with the myriad of things I normally take care of.  My co-worker Gwen came to visit Thursday night.  She braved the confusing downtown area and then the winding corridors of this monster hospital to find me.  I was really grateful to have a visitor.  Mom was here with us on Wednesday as we waited for the CT scan results.  She and Tim sat with me, afraid to leave for fear the Docs would show up with results, for 6 or 7 hours.  On top of that she was taking care of Shell's triplets this week, and had to call in some recruits to take over for her while she came to Baylor to be with me.  Missy and Dad came to see me on Friday for a couple of hours.  I was so glad to see them.  Missy brought me the softest zebra blanket, some magazines, hard candy and gum, wonderful smelling lotion/shower gel, and some sweet pictures that my super nephews CJ and Marky had colored.  It's amazing how comforting a soft blanket and some good smelling lotion can be!  We have also had help from our amazing dog-sitter Autumn Russell, and also from the congregation of our new church - Wellspring UMC in McKinney.  The folks there have been so caring and concerned and willing to help with anything.  Sunday will be Tim's first Sunday at Wellspring and we are so excited.  I want to be there so badly, but right now am at the mercy of my doctors.

I am so fortunate to be married to Tim.  He is the most wonderful man who challenges me in areas where I need to be challenged, and at the same time is a fiercly loyal advocate for me who will fight for me and our family.  It was because of him that we came to the hospital and because of him that we finally got the doctors to do the CT scan.  He has sacrificed his time to stay by my side.  He stayed in the hotel here at the hospital the first few nights and with me in the hospital room all day long.  I finally sent him home yesterday so that he could sleep in his own bed, and so that we could stop the cash outflow for a hotel room and dog-sitting.  It is lonely here, but I feel much better with him at home.  It is truly a blessing and such a rareity to love someone who knows you so well inside and out.  He knows without even asking me what things will make me feel better and what things are going to scare me.  July 7th is our 3rd anniversary.  I hope so much that I am out of the hospital and able to celebrate with Tim.

So I'm sitting here crying and can't even determine all of the reasons why.  I think that most of it is because I'm grateful to have such wondeful people in my life, some of it is because I'm happy that Luke is doing so well and growing, some of it is because I'm scared about the next few weeks, some because I want to be home, and some because I never think there will be enough time for me to be off work and home with my son.  All things you can't help think of when you are cooped up in a hospital room for an extended period of time with raging pregnancy hormones!

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and selfless acts of love for us during this time.  I think that 2010 is a year that will go in the history books for our family.  All of the things that have happened - that we have made it through with God's love and the support of our family and friends.

Luke's Nursery

These last few weeks have been so busy for us. On May 25th, we made the big move to our new house in McKinney. You always forget how tiring moving is until you are right in the middle of it. We have gotten settled in record time - even if every piece of decor is still displayed on two folding tables in the dining room. Decorating the rest of the house is my last priority right now.

My drive to work is siginificantly shorter now - I've gone from about 1 hr 15 minutes (no traffic) one way, to about 35/40 minutes! I get to sleep an extra half hour at least each morning. Tim and I are enjoying being closer to a city. Now a trip to the grocery store, or to Lowe's, etc is not an all day adventure.

This last week, I taped off Luke's room and Tim did the painting. The room was two tone to begin with, but the bottom half of the wall was a deep maroon - which, in this family, is a color that makes us cringe! LOL We decided to cover that color with a pretty green that would match the bedding we picked out for the nursery. Tim did a great job on the painting and then moved all of the furniture in on Friday. Mom brought over the beautiful curtains she made, and she and Tim hung those too. We loaded quite a few things into the room Friday night, but most of it we did on Saturday morning before Christy (our newborn care specialist who will be helping us with Luke the first couple weeks) showed up to help me streamline and make the room as efficient as possible for taking care of baby.

When Christy arrived, we moved a few things around and made sure all of the items necessary for changing the baby and any grooming/medication type items were close to the changing table. We also talked more about the breastfeeding supplies I have to make sure we have everything ready when Luke arrives.

The room turned out beautiful. It is so peaceful - a room you really just want to be in - which I think is exactly how a nursery should be. Now we just need our little man to arrive and it will be perfect!

Daddy's first gift for baby Luke - giant Pooh Bear and Baby's First Teddy

Curtain's Mom made for Luke's room

"Maddie" Puppy w/ Luke's name and nickname "Bronco" - these puppies are a tradition - Mom gives one to each of her grandbabies

Handmade blanket from Mom

My next doctor's appointment is Wednesday June 23rd.  I'll have another sonogram at this time.  We are hoping that Luke has flipped over into the right position!

Kinky Bowels and Other Life Changes

The last few months have been full of changes for the Payne family.  We experienced two deaths in the family when we lost Tim's father and brother within a week of each other in March.  We lived through it though and even experienced some of God's incredible grace through the whole thing.  Next on the list of events was an exciting re-appointment for Tim.  We found out that Tim is to become the new pastor of Wellspring UMC in McKinney in early April.  This means a move for us so we began searching for a home in that area.  Our search continues and while this is a wonderful exciting opportunity - I have to say it is a stressful thing in light of the fact that we are having a baby in a few months.

This brings me to where I am at this very moment - in the Antepartum unit of Baylor University Medical Center in downtown Dallas.  I had been looking forward to my baby shower for months now.  My wonderful friends Brianne and Keri, along with my Mom and sisters Missy and Michelle worked so hard to make it a special day for me and baby Luke.  During the night on Friday night, I started to feel what I thought were uncomfortable gas pains.  I got up and took some Colace and even some gas-x, hoping things would move through my system.  When I woke up Saturday morning I ate my usual little bowl of raisin bran and started to get ready for the shower, trying to work through the pain.  About 9am, Tim and I loaded up in the car and headed toward Brianne's house.  As we drove, the pain got worse and worse.  I turned myself in every possible position to give myself some relief but it just was not letting up.  About halfway through the drive I broke out in a cold sweat and my vision started to turn really bright, but all I could see was dots and a tunnel.  The same with my hearing - it started to go.  I kept telling myself, just lay back, you'll come through it and be fine, you can't disappoint all of the folks who worked so hard on the shower, or who are attending the shower.  Reality finally set in though, and I had to tell Tim, "Hon, I think I need you to take me to the hospital."  Flashers on, we raced toward Baylor UMC.  I called my new OBs office on the way and left a message with the answering service that we were en route.  We came in through the emergency room entrance but they quickly whisked me away to the Labor and Delivery unit.  All the while I'm thinking... "what? i'm not having this baby today... it's just gas people!"  I got settled in the L&D room and the OB on call for my OB called Tim and proceeded to scold him for not calling her before going to the emergency room.  Still having trouble understanding this.  Would she have told us to just tough it out?  Anyway - while I lay in the bed in that L&D room, my pain increased to a true 10.  They finally gave me some hydrocodone, which then made me vomit violently because I had nothing on my stomach.  About three hours in, Mom, Missy and Michelle joined us in the room.  Because of my abdominal surgery history, a gastric bypass in 2000 and a gallbladder removal in 2001, the OB residents decided to consult a surgeon who does these surgeries to rule out that my pain had anything to do with those.  I kept thinking... it's been 10 years and I haven't really had any problems - why would there be now?  So a nice little guy from radiology came down and gave me two cups of liquid that tasted like lotion mixed with water that I had to chug down so that I could get a CT scan.  Lots of ick faces and paperwork later, I was wheeled down for a CT scan.  About 30 minutes after that, the nurse poked her head in the room and told me I was to eat or drink nothing from that point forward - that they had seen something on the CT, but that was all she could say.  So we sat in the room for the next hour or so, speculating on what was going on, and what could be done about it.  Finally, the resident OB entered the room and told us what she knew.  They could see an internal hernia in my bowels resulting from my gastric bypass 10 years ago.  Because of the pregnancy, my bowels had been pushed up, making the problem much more apparent.  She said that she was waiting on the on-call Doc for gastro surgery, but that she suspected that surgery was in order.  I was shocked.... I had not at all expected to end up having surgery the day of my baby shower!  Not long after, Dr. Koon, a hugely respected Doc at Baylor entered my room with one of his assistants.  The neo-natal doc was also in the room explaining all the things that could happen if Luke was born at 25 1/2 weeks - scaring me to death.  Dr. Koon explained that this happens in about 1 to 2% of patients who have gastric bypass.  Baylor sees 1 or 2 of these surgeries a year, but if I had gone to any other hospital - they most likely would never have seen this before.  He explained that there were two kinks in my bowels that were obstructing them.  He said they needed to go in and un-kink them.  He explained that they would try to do the surgery laproscopically, but that there was a possibility that part of my bowel was dead from having the blood supply cut off, and that if they found that, they would likely have to make a large incision to repair it.  Oh and by the way - we were doing this surgery in 20 minutes.  He said it was an emergency.  Yep - so if I wasn't freaked out already, I sure was now.  Scared to death more for Luke, than for myself.  About 15 minutes later, a nice orderly named Bear showed up to transport me to the OR.  My dad also showed up about that time and accompanied all of us there.  I felt like I was on an episode of Grey's Anatomy.  Outside the OR, we met the anesthesiologist.  He was the nicest man and tried to make us all feel at ease.  Lots of kisses from my family and then I was wheeled into the bright white OR.  The next think I knew I woke up in recovery and the pain in my stomach was gone.  I was whoozy, but could hear the people around me telling me that the surgery had gone great.  All I could do was give a thumbs up.  Baby Luke held strong throughout the entire thing - he was healthy and staying put.  Praise God!

So, here I sit, in the antepartum unit - recovering.  I haven't had anything to eat since the raisin bran yesterday morning, and I won't get anything to eat until I pass gas (sorry - there is not better way to put that).  I'm starving!!!  Not sure exactly how long I will be here, or how long my recovery time will be, but I'm feeling stronger by the hour.  Luke is still doing great.

A couple of things come to mind that my loved ones either said to me or did for me yesterday:

My wonderful husband: "We just do the next right thing and leave the results up to God."
My sweet sister Missy: "God never gives us more than we can handle." and right before I was wheeled into surgery "God's hands are on each of those doctors."
My sweet sister Shell put my hair up for me so that I wouldnt' vomit all over it.
My Mom brought me pictures of my shower that I missed.
My Dad: "if you need anything (while I was in the OR - knocked out) - call me" LOL
Brianne: "when you poot - i'll bring you anything you want to eat" LOL!

You see - God surrounds us with his loving arms in the sweet voices and actions of our loved ones during these times.  It's those things we cling to and remember when we come out the other side.  Praise God for the challenges set before us that truly show us we belong to Him.

It's a Boy! We think?!

On Tuesday the 23rd, I had another OB appointment.  I've lost two more pounds, but the Doc says she isn't super worried about it.  My bloodwork and bloodpressure are all excellent.  She said that many times women will start eating much healthier during pregnancy, and it will cause weight loss instead of gain.  I don't think I've really changed my eating habits much at all though.  Because of the gastric bypass I had in 2000, I can't fit much into my stomach at one time.  I have to be so careful what I eat and how much of it, or I end up losing it all.  Sometimes, if I eat the wrong thing or too much, I have to lose it just to be comfortable and function through the rest of the day.  So I've finally decided that what that means is that I have to eat about half of what a regular serving would be, but eat those small servings every 2 to three hours throughout the day.  Hopefully that will work.  How ironic is it that you try to lose weight your entire life and the one time it's acceptable for you to gain, all you can do is lose?! :)

It also doesn't help matters that work has been completely out of control the last month or so.  I was there so late on Tuesday night that I ended up getting a hotel room in Irving rather than make the hour and a half commute home.  The audit is winding down though, so I'm hoping my schedule will calm down considerably.  I'm sure everyone I work with is glad for that too.  I am normally able to control my emotions pretty well - or so people say.  I always feel that when I'm raging on the inside that it shows, but no one usually sees that.  Lately, however, my hormones have contributed to some venting sessions that can be seen and heard by all!  I take pride in the fact that I am able to remain in control in the most stressful of situations, so these little "losing it" sessions have been quite embarassing.  I pray daily that I will remember the big picture and what is truly the priority in my life - and  that is NOT work.

On Thursday, I had my sonogram to find out whether baby Payne is a boy or a girl.  I was joined by Mom and Dad and Tim of course.  It was wonderful to have everyone in the room while we got to see this little miracle inside me.  First, and most important, is that baby looks perfect.  The spine is beautiful and shows no signs of spina bifida.  The heart is equally beautiful and has four perfectly visible chambers.  The baby is growing just exactly as expected.  Baby was moving around quite a bit and we could see the little fingers and toes just wiggling up a storm.  The brain looks perfect and baby has a good size head - thanks to me :)  Dad reminded me though that my big noggin' is necessary to house all those smarts.  So we already know that baby must be super smart as well :)

Profile Shot of Baby Payne

The sonographer took his sweet time showing us every angle of the baby before he said anything about gender.  When he started to look to see if we have a boy or a girl, baby Payne thought he'd make things interesting for us by putting his little hands down between his legs!  The pranks have already started - we'll blame his daddy for this behavior.  The sonographer looked and looked and even shook baby a little to try and get him to move.  He finally found what he called "the little testeronies and a little turtle".  It was all I could do not to laugh at this description of the male genitalia!  Tim's comment was "that doesn't look like anything I have" LOL.  It just looked like some little white dots and a tiny protrusion.  The sonographer gave us 80-90% odds that we have a little boy :)

Baby Boy Payne - We think!

So now.... it is back to the drawing board on names.  We had the perfect name for a little girl (thanks to my wonderful friend Brianne who came up with the name), but we are having a little difficulty finding an equally perfect name for our little boy.  This of course drives me crazy because I cannot stand loose ends!  Any suggestions would be welcome!

I cannot believe I am nearly half way through my pregnancy.  It is just flying by.  I am so looking forward to the showers and decorating the nursery!  We have the furniture all set up and I will wait to post photos until we have done some decorating.  The furniture is from JC Penny's and it really turned out to be beautiful.

Until next time..... much love from Mommy and Daddy Payne and our already difficult little Baby Boy (we think)!

OB Appointment #2

Had my second OB appointment today and everything went great!  I have lost 5 pounds since my last visit and they seemed a little concerned.  I assured the doctor that I wasn't dieting - which I'm not!  I just think baby is kicking my metabolism into overdrive.  All of my bloodwork from my previous appointment came back perfect and my blood pressure has been great as well.

During my first OB appointment they tried to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler and weren't able to find it.  That scared me to death so they sent me for a sonogram where everything was just fine.  Today she was able to easily pick up that beautiful heartbeat on the doppler.  I was so relieved when I heard that sound!  The doctor asked me if I wanted to hear her guess as to the sex of the baby.  I said "of course!" and she said "I think it's a boy!".  She said that she could tell because the heart rate was slower, not fast like a girl.  She said she's right about 90% of the time.

My next appointment is on February 23rd and after that one they will schedule the sonogram to determine the sex - hopefully that same week.

Tim and I are going to go start our registry at Babies R Us on Friday.  We got an awesome list of "best products" from our Newborn Care Specialist that we are going to take with us.

Pregnancy Update

Tomorrow I will be 14 weeks.  Things have been going along well so far.  I've had the usual morning sickness and it has proved to be quite unpredictable.  I thought I had it figure out for a while - it seemed to always hit me about 3 in the afternoon.  The other day blew that theory out of the water though because it lasted from about 7am until about 1pm.  So I never really know when it's going to hit.  Hoping this part is almost over.  The first few months of the year are always the busiest for me at work and this year is no different.  Being slowed down by nausea just doesn't work for me!

Mom and I made a trip a few weeks ago to look at furniture and the other big items we will need for baby.  I finally found the nursery furniture set I loved on the JC Penny's website.  It's a really beautiful collection.  We ordered it in the Espresso color.  I loved the carved details on each piece.

Mom and I also found some great maternity clothes for me that I'm hoping will get me through the entire pregnancy.  I know that my favorite is going to be this super comfy jogging suit.  Already wishing I had several more colors!

Tim and I have been re-organizing the house like crazy to make room for all of the baby stuff.  Seems like every time I came home last week Tim had completed another big project.  Things are starting to shape up as we figure out where to move things around.

My next doctor's appointment is Tuesday the 26th.  It should be just the normal measurements, etc.  It will be another month before we find out the sex of the baby.  I can hardly wait!  You know me - I'm all about making decisions and checking things off my list.  When we know if baby is a boy or girl I will be able to decide on many more things.
 

Baby on the way.....

After almost exactly a year, we are finally pregnant!  It feels like it has been such a long process, but when I think about what some other couples have to go through, I feel very blessed.  I will be 10 weeks along tomorrow and will have my first OB appointment on Tuesday.  We had our first sonogram at the 8 week mark.  It finally made things real when we could see and hear that pulsing little heartbeat.  The sonographer told us that everything looked just as it should with our tiny little gray blob.

Our Little Peanut's First Photo Session

For a long while I had suspected that I had PCOS, or polycistic ovarian syndrome.  Basically it means that I don't ovulate regularly.  I had read a lot about it and had self-diagnosed it long ago.  So I was expecting to have some difficulty getting pregnant.  About a year ago, I told my doctor that we were ready to start trying and that I knew I probably had PCOS.  They took a bunch of blood, ran a bunch of tests, but never could confirm for sure that I had it.  She started me on a drug called metformin.  Women with PCOS are generally insulin resistant, which causes a chemical imbalance that prevents normal cycles.  I took this for about 4 months but did not have any success.  Our next step was to start clomid.  Clomid is a drug that tells your body to ovulate.  When you start clomid, life becomes a very scheduled thing.  The process works like this:

1 - Take clomid on days 5 through 9 of your cycle
2 - On day 12 begin "trying" to get pregnant every other day
3 - On day 22 go to the doctor for bloodwork to see if you ovulated
4 - Sweat it out until you find out if you had a successful ovulation
5 - If it was successful, do a pregnancy test on day 35; if unsuccessful, go back to the doctor between day 1 and 5 of your cycle to start the process all over again

We did this process 6 times, starting with a very low dose of clomid.  I tried to do everything perfectly, from taking the medication at the exact same time each day, to timing our attempts without missing a day.  As with so many other things in my life, I learned that the more I tried to control things, the less control I had.  Each unsuccessful attempt, the dosage was increased.  On the 6th try, the doctor had me take the clomid on day 3 through 7 instead of 5 through 9.  To make matters a little more interesting, Tim and I were both sick during this cycle.  We weren't able to keep to our schedule at all.  I figured this 6th round was a lost cause for sure.  God had other plans though!  I think it was the combination of the higher dosage, the timing change of the medication and my release of the reigns of control that finally did the trick!

Isn't it something how thoroughly depressed you can be when you are right in the middle of going through something difficult, but the moment things turn around you forget so easily how down you were before.  I try to keep that in mind whenever I have challenges in my life - that even though things seem so bad, I will most likely look back on this and see the blessings shine through more than the pain.

So here we are awaiting the arrival of a tiny person who will change our lives forever.  My heart grew a little bigger with the birth of each nephew and niece - I can only imagine how much bigger it will grow with the birth of my own child.

God Bless!